The Real Anniversary

August being the month of different anniversaries brought with it waves of varying emotions. Though contemplative of many challenges this past year, the real highlight is, of course, our relationship. It’s hard to put into words just how impactful Peter has been in my life. Granted, he tells me (and his actual therapists) the same. In so many ways, we are blessed to have such a complementary and compatible relationship.

Though we did not celebrate in any stupendous fashion, we still had a month of delightful treats littered throughout. Neither of us have ever been much into big, showy celebrations. Peter in particular abhors even the idea of being the center of attention. Flashiness never suited him well. I actually did not expect much to take place for our anniversary month. And much to my surprise, Peter was a very willing participant in planning the little pockets of joy.

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly), the first little treat came at Jackie’s suggestion upon her return from Texas. Peter was picking her up from the airport one lovely Saturday morning while I was stuck in weekend clinic. Jackie’s recommendation to Peter, while on their way back to SGV, was to pick up a little surprise. They dropped by a boba/matcha shop to pick a drink. Though small, this is actually a big deal for Peter as making detours (especially away from preordained routes) can easily irritate his inner grouch. Unluckily for us, the treats were not particularly tasty, though were heavily packed with caffeine. Our month was already off to a good start thanks to Jackie.

The first treat born from his own noggin though was a dinner date. As of late, we started having date nights a few times per month, whether for dinner or dessert. I actually owe this pleasant development to our couples therapy. Even with my best attempts at gaslighting, it took a neutral, third-party observer to finally convince him that date nights can be as healthy as they are fun. We first celebrated by going out to dinner to commemorate the first day we made contact through the dating apps. It was dinner at a local hot pot joint we sometimes like (we haven’t made up our minds if we like or dislike this particular spot). Luckily for us that evening, the food and service were to our liking, so they are net positive in our books for now.

Then, for the anniversary of our actual first date, Peter had the cutest idea of recreating our very first encounter. Most of our friends already know of this initial meeting: grocery store sushi at H-Mart followed by a neighborhood stroll and dessert. This time around, we ended up grabbing fresh sashimi and rolls from a local Japanese market that specializes in fresh seafood. The sashimi ordinarily would be sliced for us, but due to long wait times, we decided to take on this challenge ourselves. Despite butchering the poor slabs of fish, this was quite the treat compared to our first date. Neither of us actually have had much supermarket sushi since our original date. We aren’t very pleased with the quality aside from the benefit of convenience.

It wouldn’t be a proper anniversary month without some grumbling and mumbling as well. The last weekend of August was one of the busiest weekends in recent memory. I was both on call as well as holding Saturday clinic. This meant non-stop calls throughout the nights of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday along with hospital coverage during the day. The cherry on top would be clinic on Saturday amidst all this disarray. I normally would not schedule clinic on Saturday if I was on call for the weekend, but something clearly went awry in my planning. Naturally, Peter felt a little frustrated with the amount of side projects he hoped to accomplish with me that weekend. We’ve been tackling quite a bit together, and in these moments, I’ve had to rely on his efforts far more.

Thanks yet again to our amazing therapist, Peter and I were able to resolve all frustrations early on to have a very successful weekend. A common theme in our therapy centers on Peter’s sense of overwhelm and need for organization and efficiency. This is contrasted to my barely contained chaos. As it turned out, Peter’s head was swimming with tasks to do, which inevitably bubbled up as frustration. My past disposition would assume that the frustration was directed at me. Overcoming these presumptions and helping untangle Peter’s thoughts and coming up with a plan replete with reassurance let him ease into the weekend. Our weekend actually ended up rather successful. Our therapist was equally pleased to hear our recount of how we tackled this issue.

While I was busting my butt in the hospital that hectic weekend, Peter got me some flowers as a surprise. He knew I haven’t had much time as of late to indulge in small hobbies. I think it was also an olive branch for the tensions we had worked through the night prior. These small gestures always fill my heart with so much joy. While Peter does not like ornate shows of adoration, these moments of intimacy more than make up for that. In fact, that small gestures are also my preference makes our dynamic that much more beautiful.

Throughout the month, as we reflected on our favorite memories from this past year, it became ever more definitive how much our dreams align. Peter’s favorite memory was going to Japan together for the first time, which actually marked our first year together, right as we embarked on the second year. My personal favorite memory this past year would include our Boston trip just a few months back. These trips remind us of our purpose and goal in working so hard now: to create more of these valuable memories with each other, unfettered by rules or conditions.

Though August as a month has been hectic and filled with many thoughts and emotions, none are as powerful as those around our relationship. It’s amazing to think about how much we’ve overcome together in terms of disagreements, projects, and challenges. With all that we have on the (somewhat) imminent horizon, it feels surreal at times. I’ve told Peter more than once now that it feels like so many of our dreams are unfolding together in real time—and this is all becoming possible thanks to a Hinge swipe 2 years ago.