Saturday Liberation

One of the things I find most admirable about Peter is his consistent dedication to work. We’ve often discussed this topic, and I suppose much of it stems from the fact that he views “work” as just another puzzle to solve and optimize. Uniquely Peter, this process can be fun, exciting, and fulfilling. Of course, this is only the case up until he feels he’s held back by colleagues or coworkers, and then suddenly the grumblings come out. But regardless, he can be so focused on finding solutions for any given problem. The biggest (and most expensive) problem of all is affording our dreams of FIRE.

On the other hand, I have a big aversion to working more than required of me. Though I enjoy many elements of my work, it still functions as a means to an end. When I’m at work, I’m fully dedicated to my patients. However, with the landscape of medicine and psychiatry rapidly changing, working as a physician is not what I had imagined it would be. It is still so gratifying in all the ways that such a humanistic profession ought to be, but there are many dreadful aspects that fuel the burnout. Maybe more on that in a future ramble.

In the past year, I’ve been very MIA on the weekends. I was picking up a significant number of weekend shifts. Though paid at a premium rate, it was still generally lower than what one would expect from overtime. We are in a very fortunate position due to the stability of our healthcare professions, so we aren’t exactly pressed when it comes to finances (especially with our lower cost of living). It is difficult, though, to aspire to some of these loftier goals without a continual grind. When it comes to FIRE and talks of family planning, these are costly endeavors that demand our utmost attention.

Working 6 days per week is far from the worst thing to happen. Also definitely not good by any stretch of the imagination. It is not lost upon me that many people work that amount, if not more. So even having the opportunity to pick up extra shifts is something I’ve been grateful for. This past year, despite the gruel required, has bolstered our financial situation rather comfortably. But as my work involves significant interaction with others, I do feel that my social battery is thoroughly drained by the end of a long week. At the very least, Saturday clinics are virtual and I am happy knowing that I can provide more appointment accommodations for my busy patients.

This process has led to more than one instance of disgruntlement between me and Peter. There would be instances where I’d feel like my present time is just slipping away, all for the sake of an imagined and unrealized future. It would be hard to reconcile the sacrifice in pursuit of delayed gratification. Peter would attempt to comfort me by also working on Saturdays. It was his way of saying that he’s joining me in the struggle. As we found out in therapy, this was not what I needed. After some introspection, we came to a premature conclusion that I needed more socializing and fun on the weekends. While partially true, what I really needed was to just rot for a little bit on the couch. The true value in friend hangouts is that I get to rot in the presence of others.

When we first started working Saturdays, I thought that would be the extent of our additional time commitments for work. Unbeknownst to me one year ago, however, was that we’d be starting various other projects. These projects would end up being massive time sinks. It thus became very difficult to work Monday through Saturday at my day job, and then complete all these side projects with Peter. Our 6 day work weeks were now 7 day work weeks. It was at that point that I realized just how much I needed rotting time—I had run out of energy to even go socialize. In the process of adopting more work, we’ve let many other things fall to the wayside, including our hobbies. For myself, it was reading, rock climbing, and flower arrangements.

It was hard for Peter to grasp and empathize with my despair. This made it more difficult for him earlier this past year to understand how to support me. Nice as it is, I didn’t need my partner to also work overtime to feel better (i.e., to signal to me that they’re just as dedicated). I needed the ever-diminishing time outside of work to be spent connecting with my partner. And much to Peter’s chagrin, connection for me did not mean more side hustles or tasks, even if they are shared. Over the course of this past year, Peter has certainly stepped into the role of the supportive partner I need, and for him I’m so grateful.

As August draws to a close, so do my Saturday shifts. My clinic is now fully staffed, so there is not as much need for physicians to open more shifts. This is serendipitous as we have been thinking of peeling back on the weekend shifts. I had personally determined August as the last month I’d be working overtime, and this just coincides with the clinic’s decision to put overtime shifts on hold. Turns out I was able to make the most of an otherwise time-limited opportunity! As of this blog’s writing, I am excitedly counting down the days when I get my weekends back!

We had a recent 3-day weekend at the end of July. It was an odd weekend where I did not have a work shift, and also took Friday off. The original plan was to do a quick 3-day visit to NorCal but the trip never materialized. We had a few important meetings to attend that weekend, so we had to stay local. But that long weekend made reminded me just how cathartic it would be to have more than 1 day of rest each week. As a resident, I was moonlighting my booty off. Grinding rigorous 6-day work weeks is not a foreign concept to me. I just think I’m getting too old at this point to sustain that any longer.

With the return to full 2-day weekends (endearingly referred to as “golden weekends” in medicine), I am eager to restart some of the things I’ve long enjoyed. But more than that, this freed up time will allow me and Peter to work on our other projects together without it feeling completely suffocating. The flexibility and autonomy that comes with working on your own projects at your own pace is much easier. Not to mention, we can do this from a variety of places, so I’m not geographically tied to my home office with 8 hours of sustained attention and mental effort. Most of all, I am looking forward to creating more time to rekindle relationships, spend more quality time with Peter, and invest in ourselves.