Interpreter Services

Over the course of our relationship, Peter and I have encountered various challenges. Issues arising from miscommunication are, I would think, commonplace in most relationships. As we’ve learned together, we’re both fairly level-headed and approach most things in life through a balanced, methodical lens. This made our communication and understanding, especially on more pragmatic topics, very seamless in the nascent stages of our relationship. However, as we navigate more complex issues, we’ve noticed more and more challenges.

We anticipated that hiccups would naturally arise as we navigate a burgeoning relationship, and so we soon sought out a couple’s therapist. At the time of seeking out a couple’s therapist, we had just moved into our Westminster apartment, July 2026. We didn’t really have many kinks to iron out formally in more problem-focused therapies, so we sought out someone who would take the time to understand the layers of our individual selves and of the relationship. This is actually my preferred format of therapy, especially with someone who is already adept at solving their own problems such as Peter.

Aside from therapeutic style, we had a few other requirements. We didn’t necessarily care for things like gender or race, so long as they are (obviously) open to working with gay couples and the unique challenges born of their relationship. With how expensive weekly therapy could get, we definitely wanted to utilize insurance if at all possible. My workplace doesn’t offer many benefits for the type of therapy we’d be seeking: a long-term and relationally-driven experience with our therapist. Peter’s workplace, on the other hand, offered amazing insurance coverage. They were already covering his weekly individual therapist on a long-term basis. We were pleased to see they would honor a similar arrangement for when we sought out a couple’s therapist.

Once we were decidedly moving forward with therapy, we compiled lists of OC-based therapists to squeeze into our busy schedules. Navigating a time slot that would work for both of us in between all of our other shenanigans would be difficult. Ideally, we’d find someone who could fit into our schedule without taking additional time off on a weekly basis. Oh, and to top it off, we wanted the option to meet in person. I prefer that for my own patients, so I was very happy to hear Peter agree. After scanning our big list of in-network therapists and calling endlessly, we finally found someone who met the criteria on first look.

This therapist was located in Fullerton and offered in-person evening appointments. We were not particularly wowed after our first appointment, but figured maybe we just needed to give her a few more tries. Several appointments in, we figured it was not a good match. She was exactly the type of therapist I had hoped to avoid: very concrete in her approach to problem solving. More than that, she dove right into trying to uncover problems where there weren’t any. Perhaps latent issues may have existed, but that requires perhaps a more gentle excavation. Her style was most akin to a hammer looking for nails (that did not yet present themselves).

We went back to the drawing board to find a new therapist. After much searching, Peter stumbled upon the gem that is still our therapist to this day. We loved that he was so accessible while we were still living in Westminster. And now that we’ve moved up to SGV, we still make the effort to see him down in OC on a weekly basis. He takes a much more psychodynamic approach toward our sessions, and we feel that he really understands us. He helps translate for the each of us so that we may understand each other better. He has a very gentle approach, peeling back the layers of our onion-selves.

As our relationship has evolved, problems have reared their ugly heads intermittently. If anything, our therapist has helped us highlight the differences and similarities in our desires, wants, and communication styles. Peter and I always knew that we were on the same page for some of the big, long-term goals. However, we didn’t always know how we wanted the minutia of our daily lives to look or feel. We each had a sense of what made us tick, but friction still found its way into our lives. We’ve done much better as of late—not to necessarily rid ourselves of the friction (i.e. differences in our preferences) but rather create more space within the relationship so that it does not feel so prickly.

Peter has always been one of urgency. He’s in a perpetual race against time to optimize aspects of his life, as there is no cost steeper than that of lost time. To this end, he is also very quick to patch up any problems that arise within our relationship. In his usual manner, however, he tends to be very direct and literal. Much of our discord have risen not because we inherently disagree on a basic matter, but rather due to misunderstanding or not acknowledging certain emotions. As he is slowly learning in therapy, concrete problem solving often will not address matters of the heart.

On the other hand, I am the classic overthinker with endless ruminations. I can perseverate on a topic endlessly, to the degree that I am uncomfortable addressing a topic until I understand it myself fully. I need to have worked it out in my head through my own lens first. What happened in this situation? What was it that left me feeling a certain way? And whereas Peter may have a more difficult time reading the room, I am one to read too much in between the lines. I’ve been unnecessarily sensitive in parts of our relationship. Ironically, I often will use analogies to help convey my thoughts and feelings—the very abstraction with which Peter struggles. Thank goodness for our therapist to help us develop the skill and language required to navigate this conundrum.

We’ve been happily and successfully resolving our own issues outside of therapy, even before we started meeting with him. I was very pleasantly surprised with the degree of maturity, communication, and skill from Peter when it comes to navigating conflict. More impressively, he even knew who the Gottmans were. I’ve been a big proponent of their work and often recommend their writings to my patients facing their own relational discord. As a couple, we’ve been putting to practice much of their learnings for some time. But somehow, having a therapist on board to be witness to the most sensitive and intimate aspects of our lives has also been deeply enriching.